HEALTH & PERSONAL GROWTH
Why I Like Being Poor(er)
I thought I was practicing Minimalism, some ten and more years ago, but little did I know how little I really need to be truly happy.
I only fully understood this, after a scary life challenge, during which I lost most of everything and had to cut back radically…
because I couldn’t afford most of my life anymore.
I cut the rotten parts off vegetables, so I could eat one night.
Once or twice I couldn’t afford to eat at all.
Change is always a bit scary at first…
but I learned how to be grateful for what I did have authentically, because I still had a roof over my head that night and a warm, soft bed to sleep in. Things could have been much worse.
This experience made me understand that in full.
So much of what we think of as essential is not.
Bread, for example.
Nowadays, I make my own skillet bread. It takes ten minutes. It’s delicious. It’s less than a third of the cost of store bought bread and it makes me feel like a cowgirl.
As it turns out, there are better things than sliced bread.
But “they” have been wrong about so many other things as well.
Having to walk my talk, led me to where I am today and to the one thing I kept saying I never had enough of.
More time.
The hardest part of the shift was learning to let go of society’s (and my family’s) ideals of success. Other people’s expectations. Their judgment.
Other people’s fear.
Because that’s all judgement really is.
Once I learned to walk with my hands in empty pockets and my back still straight up tall, through the imagined “shame” of not being “a winner” or not being “enough” …
I understood the material doesn’t define who I am, experientially.
I understood, experientially, that I’d been living out of accordance with my core values and beliefs and it was this that was making me unhappy.
I began to like myself more.
I understood who my real friends are and who was only along for the ride and personal gain.
I began to have better relationships.
I understood why I was struggling with “anxiety and depression” at times.
And my “mental health” improved dramatically.
My freedom has always been the most important thing to me, personally. Now I have more of it in so very, very many ways.
If not completely.
But I had to let go of almost everything else to “get it”.
Nowadays, if a friend with an older child asks if I need clothes from a clean out? Hell yeah and thanks for thinking of us! I’m into recycling and “green” and I always was.
Yet I never did this.
I’ve walked through “the fire” of being a “loser” ( only some people’s opinions) and it wasn’t as frightening as I thought it would be all this time. It was hurtful at times, yes, but…
I learned how non-attachment works in the most spectacular way.
You have to walk it through action to fully understand the practice of this principle.
You can’t teach this kind of thing.
Second hand clothes, books and “things”, are far more interesting, way cooler and so much more “conscious”…
my personal preference, ethics and values.
One of my favourite things, is to find old notes or inscriptions in second hand books. The stories they tell of days gone by and the snippets of people I can only imagine. Some of them now gone for good, I guess, because our time here is limited…
even though we choose to forget this plain fact.
I once bought a book given to a child as a school prize in the 50’s, or even earlier. I forget now. Perhaps because I’ve let so much else go.
I shed my book collection as well eventually, even though they were the hardest for me to part with. But when I found this treasure, the certificate was still pasted inside the hard cover.
Old school was made to last, but new school can be shared globally and is paperless. I consider the bigger picture before I make the decision on which version of something to buy these days. Or even if I need it.
Mostly…
I don’t need it.
I still can’t seem to resist books though. My collection is growing again despite my best intentions. Progress, not perfection, “they” say.
I’ll try to swop them moving forward and keep traveling “light”.
But I’ve gone from killing myself at work to cover massive home, parental and personal costs to more time with son, for my health and my creativity.
And I wouldn’t exchange this for anything in the world.
Never again.
I’m an old Fight Club gal and Chuck Palahniuk already said all of this spectacularly well, and far better, many years ago but I never really “got it” it…
Until now.
“The things you used to own, now they own you.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Sure, I understood it, but I never “walked” it and anything is just a concept until you test it yourself, to see how and if it’s a “truth”…
For You.
When I saw “The Minimalists” many years later I thought, “These guys are onto something. This is a really intelligent way to walk in the world and it’s pretty cool as well.”
I gave the stuff I didn’t use much away, tried to recycle, bought less and yeah — I thought I was doing Minimalism for a while…
until life showed me how to do it.
Reducing my expenses to afford me the time I was so desperately craving had more to do with letting the judgement of others go…
than it ever had anything to do with material wealth.
When I did the former, everything else began to balance out on its own somehow and I stopped struggling financially.
I guess this is what “they” mean by “letting go”?
I’ve found healthy low cost recipes online with only three ingredients, that are freely available to anyone who may care to know such things. There are clothes swaps and pre-owned stores for almost everything for the consciously hip.
Pre-owned anything is hip, isn’t it?
It should be… in my experience.
I use public transport and walk a lot now. I’m getting stronger, fitter and healthier than I’ve been in long, long time and
… and more and more and more for less, less less
… stress
and far greater Joy.
The possibilities are endless.
Imagine…
I see people on social media sharing their struggles financially right now due to this interesting shift we’re all going through.
The fact they’re sharing so openly makes me hopeful.
Hopeful we can, possibly, change our ways as the consumer driven creatures we are because, let’s face it…
our greed has been destroying us.
Health-wise, socially, our planet.
Sharing is the first step to fixing this mess, by removing the shame and paving the way for others to feel more okay about having less as well.
Even better if we make it fuckin’ cool.
It’s the antitheses of what we’ve been fed by pop culture for years and it’s way past time we let that go, but most of us are still too afraid to be rejected by the “cool kids”. Still.
What cool kids?
Why haven’t we grown up yet?
Surely the people who are getting honest are the “cool kids” in times like these, with so much at stake and with everything we now know?
Authenticity seems to be a buzzword
and that shit takes some kinda courage.
It takes some kinda Honesty.
If you’re struggling financially, you’re far from alone these days.
That’s the Truth.
What I can share is…
once I found ways to really cut back, shed everything I didn’t need (including materialistic people, social events and more, more, more), I found “myself” and (more importantly) I found that much sought after time with my son and for the things that fill my soul.
The things that make me wake up with anticipation instead of half-consciously dreading the days ahead and…
just treading water
biding time
until the weekends.
Curiouser and curiouser…
when I brought in that around-R32k-a-month, I was also always struggling financially somehow. It was never enough because it was far too much for all the wrong reasons.
It was only me who was never enough. In my own mind.
I still run out of money at times, because I’m busy creating the life I always wanted but was too scared to live. This takes time, but I have more of that now to get this right before it’s too late.
It’s never too late to start again.
My fear (and I had a great deal of this) has completely abated during the three years it took me to get to this point.
No more fear.
Any fear abates when you walk right on through it. There’s nothing else that can happen but this.
I know I’ll make a plan. I know I’ll survive because I’ve already done it before, in exactly the same way I can drum up some bread in ten minutes when I can’t afford to buy any now.
Because once I had to learn to do that…
so I did.
“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Thanks for your valuable time given to read this. It’s the one thing you can’t buy, return or get back so I appreciate it for the precious commodity it is.
I’m not writing here on medium much right now, because I’m busy trying to finish “the book that may never be written” .
It is time. Pun intended. it happens slowly due to the responsibilities of life and the obvious challenges a conversation like this comes with.
This’ll be the last story for a while, but I’m around to read you and say hello in my breaks, so let’s stay connected until I’m back in full swing.
You can send a coffee here if you enjoyed the read, but as you can probably tell… I don’t need it anymore. Even though I do.
Here’s a free track on Ko-fi for you to download to keep you moving.
Never stop the dance. And enjoy the ride ❤
