PERSONAL GROWTH
You Gotta Try This
Remember when Facebook used to be simple updates and photos of your real life friends running around doing cool shit?
I’ve now deleted every friend on Facebook that I haven’t met in real life, bar one who smacks of “fuck the system” and I’m gonna meet him asap because he’s hilarious.
I’ve also deleted some real life friends from my Fakebook friends list.
Nope. This is not the ultimate cancel because I don’t think cancel culture is good for culture. Or at all cultured.
This is also not a temper tantrum born from the insanity that unfolded over the Depp/Heard thing this last bit. Some of my people had completely different perspectives. Respect! I learned some by engaging with their content, in fact.
Which is how learning works.
The Big Delete is a bid to, once again, walk my truth, values and principles in action because it’s the only way I’ve found to genuinely grow, find even more freedom and the elusive peace we all seem to be seeking.
p.s. I’ve found it at last.
For real.
Hint: Freedom is not giving so many fucks (unless you’re hurting others or yourself), or giving any fucks at all about what people think.
People see, believe and think what suits them best. You can’t change this. Let it go, just be yourself and enjoy your journey as much as possible would be my suggestion.
Help others where you can and keep your inner circle to the ones who are like you and who actually like you. Just as you are. But don’t trust me. Try it yourself and see.
Creating the life you want and finding the people you want to be a part of it starts (and stays) with only one principle in my experience.
Honesty.
And fuck… you’d think this would be easier to walk than it actually is, but we lie to ourselves in so many ways.
Why?
Fear of course.
Of what?
Well, of judgement of course.
And the possible rejection because of it.
Some of us, who were raised in environments where “splitting” family members (because of insecurity and the natural competitiveness that follows) or punishing family members (who refused to buy into the dysfunction) was the norm, may find this principle extremely difficult to walk.
Or those of us with unwell or addicted parents of course. (See above) It’s probably not their fault. This stuff gets passed on by osmosis.
But it’s not your fault either.
Intentional or accidental rejection by primary care-givers/family systems for a little kid = potential threat of death to the “reptile brain”. This is the primal part of the brain that still runs on animal instinct to help us avoid death at all costs.
Yours may be super sensitive to avoiding this possibility if you were repeatedly rejected as a kid for being who you are. You may naturally find it even more difficult to be who you authentically are as an adult.
You can fix this.
You will be rejected if you don’t people please. Maybe even repeatedly. It’s inevitable. Logically. Especially when you’re boldly honest about who you are and what makes you happy.
But you will only be rejected by some people.
Who gives two fucks if people think you’re rubbish anyway?
Seriously.
And if you’re mama or your dada thought you were shit? Well… you tell them from me to fuck right off too. And add that they never had the right to have a kid in the first place if they couldn’t get over their own shit long enough to be a decent fucking parent.
You got that?
Good!
Because you’re fuckin’ perfect.
Just as you are.
The only genuine way I’ve found to real freedom and lasting peace was to step up, be authentic and walk through the inevitable rejection (by some) in real time.
You get used to it!
You can’t please all of the people blah blah you know the drill.
You only really “get” this understanding in full, when you “just do it” and see how people come and go depending on where they are in their journey. Their interest in you rarely has anything to do with you at all, in fact. It’s quite funny when you “see” this.
But often, because I’m fucking stubborn and a dreamer both, it takes repeating a lesson more than a couple of times until I “get it”.
I got all excited to be back on Facebook when I signed up again recently. I guess I both accepted and made connections for the wrong reasons, because I ended up loathing my Facebook experience (yet again) after only a couple of months in.
You know why?
Personal boundaries, dude.
And fucking honesty.
I wasn’t walking my principles and values again. And many of my Facebook “friends” weren’t being honest in return.
In short, the people I was “friends” with don’t honestly love and accept the me that I am. And I was tolerating the “them that they are” by being “nice” and “agreeable” with regards to behaviours I’m not supposed to tolerate to be actively walking my “truth”.
So not much honesty all ‘round.
My bad.
This is not social connecting. Or connecting of any kind really.
This is a relapse.
This is a relapse on the co-dependence I’ve spent forever trying to eradicate and which almost destroyed me. (And no, you probably don’t know what codependence is)
Can’t have it. That’s a no.
I need to be fucking firm about my boundaries or I end up getting resentful at others (which is stupid really but how this all works) and being “angry” for no good reason.
All because I didn’t say an authentic no to the me that I’m not.
Silly, huh?
I’m so fucking angry with you because I accepted shit you do that bothers the hell outta me because I was too scared to say no?
Good lord. *rolling eye emoji
So I instituted my personal boundaries on social media to protect myself. And to protect other people too. Because this is how boundaries work and this what boundaries do.
They protect everyone involved in the exchange.
My Facebook Boundaries:
I won’t be keeping, friending or accepting friend requests any longer if:
- You need me for your fan base, profile and business page marketing, likes or fucking whatever is gonna make you more money (or get you more attention) and you can’t even be assed to respond to something from my world in return. Facebook is about connecting and networking. It’s not all about you. Fuck right off, please. You’re boring and I’m on the platform for a bit of fun, some education and actual genuine engagement to do both. None of this happens if there isn’t even any conversation.
- You want me to be your friend so you can get to my contacts and be one of the cool kids. Some truth. I haven’t been cool for years. You’re wasting your valuable time.
- You accepted a friend request from me ‘cause you were too scared to tell me to fuck off. And then you were either too frightened or embarrassed (same thing) to engage with my marvellously left of center and intentionally provocative content. This isn’t good for your personal growth. Thank you for accepting but it wasn’t necessary. It’s more necessary to walk your truth so you can really thrive. I’ve done you a favour. You’re welcome! Best wishes always.
- You wanna use my content but refuse to even support the shit you take. I don’t want you to credit me but at least give me a like (or tell me I’m talking shit) to say you’re around. Seriously? “I’m watching you, Kazawski. Always watching.” *stolen. Also… that kind of behaviour is stalky and creepy as fuck.
- You’re not talkin’ me because we disagreed. Yawn. I still love you but I don’t need to see your posts, comment or like your stuff to say I still love you and have you ignore me. Let’s pick up the friendship when you’re ready to be a fucking adult. I’m here waiting for you. Just not on Facebook.
Simple.
Do I sound arrogant?
I’m not.
My main priority, these days, is to feel safe enough to use my voice authentically. And avoid drama.
All of the above behaviour is toxic. And although I’m not here to judge because I’ve also behaved this way before I found a better way (for me), none of it instills a sense of trust. And I value trust more than any amount of likes these days.
So no. This is not arrogant.
This is rational, mature and “woke”.
This is honest.
This is keeping my inner circle safe. This is me creating the life I want to live for a change, instead of appeasing other people’s insecurities. Fuck knows I have enough of my own shit to carry without feeling responsible for everybody else’s.
Trust. Honesty. Mutual respect.
No judgment if they’re still finding their way. I just can’t afford to allow those who aren’t walking a similar path too close anymore.
I need to feel safe to be productive.
When I’m safe to be myself, I’m more creative. I’m more open. I’m more loving and at peace with the world because I’m not in defence mode. And this is what social media is currently doing. It’s keeping all of us in the fight/flight response because we are being polite instead of keeping things safe for ourselves. And each other. By sharing our personal boundaries.
I now share my personal posts only with those I know are safe. It helps me share more positive stuff, more honestly and with my own voice, because I’m not constantly angry because I am scared. And this seeps out into the world around me. Positively.
My Facebook friends are 47 people I’ve met who aren’t judgemental. Who don’t gossip. And, above all else… who are honest and kind, caring and supportive. Kindreds.
I think this is a mature, rational approach to sharing the intimate parts of my personal life on live social media platforms.
And I’m keeping it.
Because Facebook just became fun again.
Desperately need a laptop that works so I can bring more dubiously genius, creative and full of shit content for you. Send donations, please. The struggle is real.
